It's been awhile~~

Well here we go again!! I feel like sometimes I am a broken record saying this.  It's been exactly 4 months since I've blogged - and honestly I haven't blogged because I basically jumped ship on my weight loss journey. 

Thankfully, jumping ship didn't mean I eat house and home.  I just stopped concentrating on my freedom from this issue I have with food all together.  I got comfortable.  I lost 30 pounds and people were telling me I looked great - and I guess I just got to a place where comfort was easier than continuing on this journey. 

I have learned a few things tho along the way:

1.  I really feel free from the issue of food controlling me.  I haven't binged ate in a  long time.  And when I want to eat for the sake of eating I am making healthier choices.

2. I've missed walking.  I got into a nice routine and for some reason I just stopped.  I'm sure at the time there was a great excuse of why I needed to stop - but for the life of me I cannot remember what it was. Note to self: ask yourself BEFORE quitting if I will remember why in 30 days!!

So yesterday I weighed in in WW.  I told about 20 people the day before - because I knew I'd talk myself out of going - I was fearful of the results!! Those people I told I knew would hold me accountable and ask me if I actually went. So I went - and I was happy with the results.  Honestly it proved to me that what I said before is true - food doesn't control me as it did previously.  I did gain - but in 4 months I gained only 10lbs back of the 30 I lost.  I'm thankful I am back before I gained it all back, before the pain started to come back in my knees, hips, back (none of which have).  I went to a new meeting.  I'm not sure why, but I did.  So my new meeting time is Wednesday Mornings at 9:30am.  There was another lady who was brand new to the group yesterday - she seemed nice.  I hope she comes back next week!!

So this is my question of the day!! Why did I stop before?  I know what my end goal is, so why did comfort become my excuse.  What is stopping me from finishing this race?  I don't have an answer today - but I am hoping that I can finally figure it out.  I am in a new bible study - its called Breaking Free - by Beth Moore.  My goal with this study is to figure out what is holding me back from finishing this race!! I get started then I stop!! Why?!?!  Beth Moore spoke in a video of how captivity works that really stuck with me:

Whatever the issue is that is holding you captive is

   HARD - then gets HARDER - then gets EASIER - then its FINALLY UNDER YOUR FEET (FREEDOM).

I feel like I am in the "easier" (not easy.. easier) faze and honestly I want to get to the under my feet/FREEDOM part of this journey.  I just have to figure out what that looks like and how to get there. 

Here we go [Again]!! Onward to Freedom!!
Blessings INDEED,
Debbie

I'm Back!!!

So after last weeks post I was determined to get my butt back in gear with my eating and walking.  In the beginning of the week I tracked EVERYTHING that I put in my mouth.  By Saturday it dwindled down to tracking in my head - nothing was written down as I am supposed to.  I've come to realize that weekends are hard for me to track food in writing.  Mainly because I'm usually not the one cooking - we either go out to dinner or we go to someones house to have dinner.  So I'm not in control of what I am eating per se.  During the week I am much better - mainly because I am the one cooking and I am packing my lunches, etc.  I've got to come up with a better plan for the weekends.  I have a smartphone and have the WW app on it - I guess I just need to use it!! Hmm.. sounds like an easy solutions!! ;)

Anyway, I did amp up my walking and accomplished last weeks goal of when I would walk (see last week's post).  It feels good to have succeeded in this goal.  And I really enjoyed my walks as well. 

Ok.. so this weeks goals:

1. Walk  - Thursday Night (which I already did); Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

2. Track my food - really focus on this over the weekend. 

3. Eat half portions for lunch and dinner on Saturday, Monday  and Tuesday

4. Drink my breakfast on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday

Its helping to write down my weekly goals... it gives me something to look back on and focus on accomplishing. 

I still haven't gotten back into my daily regime with alone time with God.  And I've missed it BIG TIME.  So I am also committing to doing this as well - Starting Saturday morning. 

Oh I almost forgot.. I was down 2.2lbs this week!! YEA!!!

Thanks to all who asked me how things were going last week - I cannot tell you how much I feel and appreciate the support!!

Until next week,
Blessings INDEED,
Debbie

Confession~~

It's been a rough 2 weeks - hence why I haven't written.  I've been up for 2 weeks and I can come up with a million reasons "why"- that aren't my fault.  But if I'm honest I know exactly why I'm up - and its all my fault. 

I've gone back to my old eating habits - I see it / I eat it.  Even if I don't see it / I look for it and eat it.  For the first week I kept it a secret.  Didn't tell anyone I was secretly eating house and home again.  When I went to weigh in last week I actually prayed Id have a gain week - to stop me from this madness.  Well I had an up week and what did I do for the rest of the day - EAT!! I finally that evening confessed to my accountability partner - and that did slow me down a bit.  I told Justin the next morning - he had no idea.  His immediate response was "why"?  Am I stressed, angry, happy, sad?  Unfortunately I don't discriminate my emotions so any of the above could have been the reasons and I would have loved to say "yes" to any of them - but again if I'm being honest, I was in a good place - just wanted to eat and did.  Again, after I confessed to Justin I did continue to slow down with my eating - making better choices for sure.  But still gave in to my flesh more often that I should have and hence my 2nd week of an up week.  That along with absolutely no exercise I'm not surprised.

Although they were small ups - this week hit me a little harder - and my determination to stop this madness is overwhelming. Sooo... now that I've confessed to EVERYONE I know - I'm now ready to promise myself to change immediately and go forward TODAY with strength and will to get back on the right track.  No more ups for me - at least not because of my own doing.  I'm done.

So what am I promising myself TODAY:

1. I will get back to walking my mile (if not ore) after work : Today, Saturday, Monday, &  Tuesday. I'm putting it on my calendar with a reminder - no excuses.

2. I will track ALL my food again - starting today.

3. I will drink more water every day (3 of my bottles at my desk at work) and at least 2 more when I get home.

4.  I will use the tools I learned with the Lords Table and when I'm tempted to go into the kitchen to eat when I'm not hungry - I will open my bible, read a book, turn off the TV, go for a walk. Anything to walk away from this trigger.

5. I will get back in the Word on a daily basis.  I realized that since Ive been done with the Lords Table study Ive completely lacked on this... I will do this EVERY morning again.  

For those of you who are reading this - I'm asking you a favor - ask me how I'm doing with these promises I am making for this week.  I will be honest with you - I promise.  Which will only make me think twice before giving in to my temptation to eat house and home. 

Its a new day, a new week - and I am thankful for this new beginning.  Here we go!! Prayers welcomed!!

Blessed INDEED,
Debbie

Surprise Surprise~~

Very exciting day today... That 30lb mark has been hit!! I am quite surprised to say the least as I have not really been doing much with the program- but apparently making wise choices is becoming easier every day.  I truly feel set free of this bondage I had with food.  I still have my days - I am no way near perfect - BUT wise choices have become my normal way of eating - and these numbers are showing just that. 

Its been a crazy two weeks (hence why I didn't weigh in or write last week).  I'm just about finished with the Lords Table 60 day program and the Women's Bible Study I lead ended last night. Amongst all the other things my hands are involved in lets just say my last two weeks have been crazy - but fun and filled with blessings all the same.  Like I said, I haven't really been following WW program - haven't been tracking, haven't walked as much as I'd liked to. Every meeting I've gone to there has been food - and more food - and more food.  Last night we had a potluck to end our Bible Study - and I ate freely.  So to say I was surprised to see a minus 2lbs today is an understatement.

I'm thankful I'm learning the tools to make wise decisions.  I'm thankful for The Lords Table for setting me free.   I still have a ways to go for a healthy weight - but I am thankful for today's blessing. 

I will start tracking again - TODAY.  I will start walking more - TODAY.  I will continue to seek God for his convictions to do what I need to do to continue  on this journey - and Glorify Him every step of the way. 

Until next time,
Blessings INDEED,
Debbie

Down 1.2 - Totaling 18.2

I'm pretty excited for this weeks loss.  I can honestly say I haven't put my best foot forward in following the program - although I realize making better decisions regarding food is coming easier. I'm finding my "need" for comfort in food is fewer and fewer every week.  I'm truly starting to feel the freedom of this bondage of overeating or eating for wrong reasons.

Although this week Ive done better than the last two weeks with the program and I'm back with The Lords Table study DAILY - I realize I have maybe put in 70% of my efforts.  So as I reflect on this past week I'm seeking to see what worked.  What were those good decisions made that I can do again in the future.

1. I walked - more so in the beginning of this week than the later - but I walked 2 or 3 days in the last 7 days - for about 20 minutes (i.e., 1 mile).  This I did with the intent on getting in "some" exercise.  I'm slowly getting back into this without pushing too hard - I'm trying very hard to not re-injure my knee or foot.

2. I've stopped myself on a few occasions when Ive been alone and bored from going into the kitchen.  How you may ask?  Well 1st I turned off my TV (this seems to be my trigger), 2nd I prayed - asked GOD to take this temptation away, and 3rd I sought GOD's word.  I can say that this worked for me at least 4 times in the last week.

3. I started drinking decaffinated green tea at night.  I'm not sure if this is related at all, a few things Ive read indicate it enhances weight loss - not sure if this is true or not, but I'll keep doing it and as long as I am losing weight - I'll give it some credit as well.

4.  My accountability partners - Kimberly and Melissa.  They asked me regularly how I'm doing and if Ive gotten my exercise in.  We talk daily about our struggles with food and life and really support each other thru this journey.  I remain honest with them at all times and I am sure it has stopped me from going to the kitchen when I'm not hungry because I don't want to have to confess it afterwards.  God sure gave me some amazing women to keep me accountable. 

5. Better decisions of what I'm eating.  The other day I got a smaller plate (instead of the regular size plate) and put my dinner on that.  The plate looked full and I ate it.  I didn't feel cheated - its totally all in my head apparently. I did this a few times this week - and will probably do it more this week.

I'm sure there is more - but this is all I can think of at this point.  This weeks challenge I gave my bible study group of ladies and I'm doing myself is to be joyful in EVERYTHING I do.  In regards to my eating - I'm going to slow down while I eat.  Be thankful for every bite - savor the tastes - and glorify HIM for providing it to me.  Every Bite!! That's my challenge.

I challenge you as well - to be joyful - in EVERYTHING you do.  Even the dishes we clean - lets be joyful we have those dishes to clean.

At this very moment I am joyful for the ability to write from my heart.  I am joyful for you who are reading this.

Until next week,
Blessings INDEED~~
Debbie

Lost what I gained last week - down 0.4lbs

Well this week I lost what I gained last week.  I'm thankful for this.  It's been a strange week for me.  Lots of "stuff" going on that has nothing to do with this journey.  But its kept me occupied on everything but getting back on the program.  I realized the other "stuff" is not my "stuff" but I'm caring it like it is.  Anything to keep me not focused on my journey and get back on the program. This week is short and sweet -

       ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!  No more excuses for me.  I must stay focused on what God has planned for me - and that is to glorify Him through his Temple (my body).  Being busy - regardless of what Im busing doing - is not an excuse to not be focused on what I'm eating (points with WW) and doing my daily study (The Lords Table).  I WILL walk more this week - at least 3-4 times for 20 minutes.

Ok.. that is all.. my challenges are set.  Hope you all have an amazing week ahead of you!!

Until then...Blessings INDEED,
Debbie 

Had my first UP week!!

This past week was my first "up" week - although not by much - only 0.4lbs.  That's less than a half pound -  and for the past few weeks Ive had- I'll take it!! I realize it could have been worse - MUCH WORSE!! I've completely gone off the program - been watchful and all, and obviously made some good decisions - but haven't tracked food or been consistent with The Lords Table study either.

On Saturday morning I woke up discouraged.  My knee flared up again.  Hasn't flaired up since I first started losing weight.  So it was discouraging because I have continued to lose weight and I was hopeful the flair ups were due to my [over]weight - but now I realize there could be something else wrong.  I'm making a doctors appointment today. 

As I was in the midst of this discouragement I realized that I was totally struggling with a few things:

 (1) With getting back on the program.  I know I need to - but actually doing it is a struggle. My determination will overcome this struggle - I am confident of this.  I wont allow this to be the end of it for me.  I truly want to be free of this ongoing struggle Ive had for years.

 (2) Getting back motivated in my study with The Lords Table or even consistently being in the Word every day.  I'm finding myself "allowing" myself to go back to the kitchen - to eat more food - even when I'm not hungry.  I realize as I'm writing that my focus is returning back to me and off of God.  "I" don't want to get back on the program; "I" don't want to do the study; "I" don't have time; "I" want to eat, etc. etc. etc. I have to remember that my goal is to glorify God in my eating and to break free from the sin of gluttony [lack of self-disciple with food]. And finally,

(3) I have an emotional pain with this commitment to not overeat. This is interesting to me.  My stomach has changed physically with not eating as much - and at first that was painful - the growling, etc.  But now that its used to it it no longer has that pain per se.  But my emotional pain is something different - something deeper I think. Emotionally I miss eating as I wish.  Scripture says in order to cease from sin there will be some suffering (1Peter 4:1-2). That with this suffering  the will of God will set me free from these habitual desires.  My hope lies in this.  My struggles/suffering are nothing compared to what Jesus endured for us on the cross.  Today I pick up my own cross - struggles, accomplishments, and HOPE to accomplish HIS will. 

Rejoice - I say it again REJOICE!!
Debbie