Down another 1.4lbs - totaling "25.2"

O my gosh - O my gosh - That 25lb mark is hit!! Honestly I can't even believe it.  I know this journey I'm on is long from being over - many many more pounds need to be lost - but today I'm celebrating the 25 that is lost and gone forever.

I can't lie - I really struggled this past week.  The temptation to fall back into old eating habits were facing me daily.  Let me go thru some of the struggles of last week:

Thursday - I was pissy - I mean really really pissy. I realize now it was due to the fact that my desires are changing regarding food. I remember when I quit smoking I felt the same way.  I knew I didn't want to smoke anymore - and that angered me to know end.  Like my enjoyment of smoking - I also enjoyed food.  The problem is that I enjoyed it too much.  So now that my desires are changing and I don't so much "want" to eat all the time - well that triggered that old feeling of anger.  It wasn't a fun day - but once I realized why I was so angry and remembering I had the same feeling when I quit smoking - I found hope knowing that this too will pass.  And of course it did.

The weekend eating wasn't too bad.  I watched what I was eating - but still had that inner anger going on - so I probably ate from time to time just for spite - not because I was hungry. 

Then Tuesday happen - WOW.. not a good day.  Work was rough.  I was completely depleted from the happenings of my day.  I felt every negative emotion possible and was DONE.  So... because I could -  I ate "2" bags of lunch size Ranch Doritoes - not 1 - but 2. The first bag I ate right in front of my boss - the second bag I ate secretly - within minutes after the first bag.  I immediately realized that I totally gave into temptation.  I realized I allowed myself to believe the lie that those chips would make me feel better.  Afterwards I felt worse than I did before eating them.  The lie I told myself backfired and I was filled with guilt.  I was disgusted with myself.  Which only made it worse because from that point on for the rest of the day - all I wanted to do was EAT! I had a church meeting that night - its a recovery group for women - I'm attending it as I am doing the study The Lord's Table for the addiction of food/overeating - its called gluttony. On the way to the meeting I wanted to drive to the nearest restaurant and order a feast so badly.  At that moment I felt like an alcoholic or drug addict - wanting my next fix.  I seriously thought I was going insane.  I did end up at the meeting - without stopping at a restaurant.  But I was miserable - didn't want to be there at all.  All I wanted to do was eat.  I was honest with the leaders of what was going on in my head. I'm glad I went and stayed and shared my struggles.  The support of this group is amazing.  Most everyone said "call me next time".  By the time I got home I was so exhausted emotionally it took everything I had to tell Justin what was going on with me and even though I was so exhausted I still wanted to eat right then. I'm thankful he just held me and said he was sorry I was struggling so much.  There was nothing else he could say or do.  I'm glad he didn't try and fix it and just comforted me instead.

So Wednesday I wake up and was very very thankful it was a new day.  BUT.. it was also my weigh in day too.  I was ready for any outcome.  I was just thankful that this new day also brought a new week to start anew to try and get to 25lbs lost.  So when I got the news that I lost the amount I needed to hit that 25lbs I just wanted to cry.  I realized that GOD provided me with His mercy and grace this week.  HE gave me what I needed at that very moment.  I read this morning in my daily readings ""David continued to succeed in everything he did, for the Lord was with him" (1 Solomon 18:14).  I feel like David today.  I'm thankful the Lord is with me, guiding me, showing me new ways, and giving me grace when HE knows I need it.

Well - I'm off to another week.  Looking up and feeling good.  Realizing this struggle is long over. Acknowledging that the weight loss and mind set Ive had for years will not just change over night - its a process - a journey that I'm glad to be on today. 

Until next time my friends,
Blessings INDEED,
Deb