If I could just get this thru my thick skull!! This picture made me laugh when I saw it on Facebook. It truly is my problem indeed! Sometimes its just easier to laugh at yourself than allow the truth to bring you down.
On a positive note... another 1.2 lbs is gone FOREVER!! Totaling 23.8. That 25 mark is soo close. I'm trying hard not to think about it - but my human nature wants that 25 badly. I know I will get there and beyond for that matter... there is no question about that. I just want it NOW. What is it about that feeling of NOW that just totally drives me crazy. It's something I want to focus on this week. Because I know if I allow myself I could start to self-sabbotage this week - just so I can say I know why I didn't hit that 25 mark next week. That fear of not hitting it NEXT WEEK could drive me to "eat" stupidly. Funny, because you hear people say all the time "that/they could drive me to drink" - truly my device of addiction is food/over-eating, eating when I'm not hungry, eating when I'm bored, alone, happy, sad, stressed, angry... I don't discriminate my feelings - I eat because I like food - its my comfort, my security blanket. Confession: Last night I came home from bible study and I ate another dinner - not because I was hungry - but because I told myself the dinner I ate wasn't enough to sustain me for the day. I totally believed the lie. I wasn't even hungry!! This morning I have an attitude - and totally blamed it on my daughter (who is 9 and who probably deserved my attitude a little due to her attitude). But as I prayed with a friend after dropping Sydney off to school - it was very clear where my frustrations were. Yes, Sydney frustrated me this morning - BUT.. I also acknowledge that I was frustrated with myself - because I allowed gluttony to overrule me last night AGAIN!! Did I over eat - NO!! But did I eat because I was hungry - No. Did I eat to be prideful - because I could - ABSOLUTELY. Please don't think I'm beating myself up - I am simply taking responsibility. I am seeing how easy I could go back to my old habits. I see how my brain works and convinces myself its my right to eat what I want. I was being a bratty little child last night - just like Sydney this morning - hmmm.. wonder where she gets it from. OUCH!! Harsh - maybe... but truthful all the same.
So from this point forward - I'm putting on my big girl panties and acting my age. I am not 9 - I need to be an adult. Make adult decisions. Turn 180 degrees from food - and face GOD completely. I think I need to put this on a post it note and post it all over the place.
GOD is good. I love how HE is reaching me thru this journey. So thankful HE is faithful and loves me enough!!
Well - I think this is it for me today... Until next time...
Blessings INDEED,
Deb
So powerful! And good for you admitting you failed and you're going to do better going forward. That's a hard one to admit to.
ReplyDeleteThanks Briana for your support!!
DeleteSometimes life throws us curveballs. You just demonstrated how to adjust your position when it happens. The enlightenment you show us is knowing when the ball left the thrower, not when it hits us on the head. What encouragement you give. I'm on the journey with you having to lose some to be at goal again. I'm happy to report that when I wanted to eat yesterday because of an emotion, I asked myself "What would Debbie do?" Love you, love your posts and am so proud to have you as an inspiration and a family member. Oh I did eat but it was something nourishing. Yea down 1 lb thanks to you
ReplyDeleteOnce again you write something that touches me so deeply. Your affirmation is so rewarding after posting something from the heart. I'm wondering if it gets easier to reveal rawness as times go on. We shall see!! Love you!!
DeleteDebbie, you are doing so well with your journey. I am very proud of you and your writing.
ReplyDeleteThanks honey!! I love you!!
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