Had my first UP week!!

This past week was my first "up" week - although not by much - only 0.4lbs.  That's less than a half pound -  and for the past few weeks Ive had- I'll take it!! I realize it could have been worse - MUCH WORSE!! I've completely gone off the program - been watchful and all, and obviously made some good decisions - but haven't tracked food or been consistent with The Lords Table study either.

On Saturday morning I woke up discouraged.  My knee flared up again.  Hasn't flaired up since I first started losing weight.  So it was discouraging because I have continued to lose weight and I was hopeful the flair ups were due to my [over]weight - but now I realize there could be something else wrong.  I'm making a doctors appointment today. 

As I was in the midst of this discouragement I realized that I was totally struggling with a few things:

 (1) With getting back on the program.  I know I need to - but actually doing it is a struggle. My determination will overcome this struggle - I am confident of this.  I wont allow this to be the end of it for me.  I truly want to be free of this ongoing struggle Ive had for years.

 (2) Getting back motivated in my study with The Lords Table or even consistently being in the Word every day.  I'm finding myself "allowing" myself to go back to the kitchen - to eat more food - even when I'm not hungry.  I realize as I'm writing that my focus is returning back to me and off of God.  "I" don't want to get back on the program; "I" don't want to do the study; "I" don't have time; "I" want to eat, etc. etc. etc. I have to remember that my goal is to glorify God in my eating and to break free from the sin of gluttony [lack of self-disciple with food]. And finally,

(3) I have an emotional pain with this commitment to not overeat. This is interesting to me.  My stomach has changed physically with not eating as much - and at first that was painful - the growling, etc.  But now that its used to it it no longer has that pain per se.  But my emotional pain is something different - something deeper I think. Emotionally I miss eating as I wish.  Scripture says in order to cease from sin there will be some suffering (1Peter 4:1-2). That with this suffering  the will of God will set me free from these habitual desires.  My hope lies in this.  My struggles/suffering are nothing compared to what Jesus endured for us on the cross.  Today I pick up my own cross - struggles, accomplishments, and HOPE to accomplish HIS will. 

Rejoice - I say it again REJOICE!!
Debbie